Well, it seems I cannot be persuaded to blog here more than once a year, and even at my personal blogspace (hdavidblalock.blogspot.com) I am known to be absent for months at a time. Those who know me well would not be surprised at this. I have always been a miserable correspondent in any medium.

Let's see, what's been going on?

My story Here There Be Dragons appeared in Kerlak Publishing's Dragon Composed anthology and went on to win an Honorable Mention for 2010's Best Midsouth Short Story from the Memphis Science Fiction Association.

Kelly's Beast was accepted for the WTF Mysteries anthology (Mark Fitzgerald, editor, Kerlak Publishing) appearing shortly.

Phoenix was accepted for the Dreams of Steam anthology (Kimberly Richardson, editor, Kerlak Publishing) appearing shortly

Sands of the Marid will appear in Shelter of Daylight from Sam's Dot Publishing this October.

Emperor, my next novel, should appear around the end of the year from Sam's Dot Publishing, with my novella High Kings shortly thereafter.

The story The Shed is on the short list for the Call of Lovecraft anthology from Papercut Books.

Have stories under consideration at Midnight Screaming magazine (Kara Ferguson, editor) and at Woodale Press for their Mountain Magic anthology (Brian J. Hatcher, editor). Also one being looked at for Sam's Dot Publishing's Infradead anthology (Tyree Campbell and J. Alan Erwine, co-editors).

I have attended several conventions and events since my last posting, in cities like Jackson, Nashville, and Memphis. I spoke to the Southwest Tennessee Freelance Writers Guild last month about self-editing.

Last, but certainly not least, Cineline Productions and Stephen Zimmer are working on a short independent film based on my novel Ascendant. The film should be available for viewing early in 2011.

And I continue to work on many projects, attend events, and try to keep my sanity. I hope to remain at least as successful as I have in the past doing it all...

‘Mind you...’ Angus thought, brightening a little ‘...last Thursday was an interesting day; that courting couple must have spent a good hour fondling each other and steaming up the windows.... and shortly after they left, Bridget arrived...’

He glanced over at the 1970’s Zanussi ‘Freeze-master’ that stood in a sort of yogic head-stand pose beside the road. ‘Frigid Bridget’ as Angus called her, (though not to her face) had arrived on the back of an open lorry driven by two ‘ill-mannered oafs’.

The men had climbed down from the cab, laughing and swearing, made their way to the rear of the vehicle and released the back gate. Without ceremony, they put their combined weight behind the fridge causing it to topple and land head-first on the road. The vulgar banter resumed and, having secured the gate, the men drove away without a backward glance.

‘How curious...’ Angus thought as the lorry disappeared from view, ‘...I wonder when they’ll come back for it...’

Seven days had now passed, during which time Angus had made sporadic and largely unsuccessful attempts at small talk with Bridget, and the reality of the incident had finally sunk in; he had been a victim of the practice known as fly-tipping, and the men had no plans to come back. Angus was now fuming...”they can’t do this....how dare they treat me like a lowly waste disposal facility...I’m a valuable council asset!”

Angus, the only lay-by on the B257 (linking the isolated villages of Bindweed and Hermits’ Grunt with the larger Market Town of Northbridge Mallard), sighed dejectedly. It was 2.00 on a sunny Wednesday afternoon and only 3 cars had passed his way that day, and not one had pulled in to use his ‘facilities’. Angus felt depressed and lonely, and his mood was not helped by the recent formation of a disfiguring pothole on his northern end.

It was all so very different from the balmy summers of his youth when visitors to his little world were plentiful; when Mothers on the homeward bound school-run would pause to allow excitable children the simple pleasure of picking blackberries, and Salesmen, weary from a long day of shamelessly exaggerating their products’ benefits, would sit back, tie loosened, and read the sports pages.
Angus had even been visited by a Shakespearean Actor once, who strutted up and down all puffed and pompous reciting the “Once more unto the breach...” monologue from Henry V. These days, however, there were no actors, the salesmen used the faster and pothole free by-pass, and only blackbirds braved the tangled brambles.

(to be continued...)

Talent Seekers, the international seeking talent platform, has received the support of 8.650 registered members in its first year, including 4.050 artists from 85 countries. Those who wish to participate are still in time to do so, as the inscription period will not conclude until 31st December 2009. There are four categories of participation: public, authors, jury and sponsors.

Once the members of Talent Seekers have decided the most popular artists, a team of over 100 professionals, in representation of the different creative sectors, will choose the most outstanding. The jury is made-up of gallery owners, art critics, producers, magazine editors, cultural organizations, record companies, publishers…; personalities of renown international prestige, such as Rafael Revert (founder of music radio stations “40 Principales” and “Cadena 100”), John Dimon (Emmy winning television producer) or Jimmy Destry (founder member of the legendary American band Blondie).

The companies Copyright Creators, PR-Imaging, Sane Society and Talent Seekers will be responsible for providing the Talent Seekers prizes.

• COPYRIGHT CREATORS (Canada) - www.copyrightcreators.com

Copyright Creators offers prizes for a value of over $100.000 in copyright registration services to all authors selected by the public ($100 per author up to a maximum of 1.000 authors), with a special package valued at $1.000 for the winner in each of the ten categories.

Copyright Creators is an online copyright registry that provides affordable lifetime copyright protection. There are no membership fees or renewal fees and there is unrestricted access to the registered works and certificates of proof. Their specialized technical and legal teams have developed a system to offer their clients protection so that they can promote their work with the utmost confidence their intellectual property is secure.

• PR-IMAGING (England) – www.pr-imaging.org

The ten artists selected by the jury will receive a Talent Seekers book personalised with their name on the cover, the content reflecting the professional background and work of the winners of the contest.

PR-Imaging is a leading company in its field, producing high quality albums for professional photographers and graphic designers. Those who belong to either of these two collectives and are also members of Talent Seekers, will be able to contract their services at a discount of 20% during the next 6 months and 10% for the remainder of 2010. PR-Imaging has established a rigorous protocol for admission of clients in order to protect the professional interests of those artists with whom they work. Being a client of PR-Imaging is a guarantee for quality.

• SANE SOCIETY (Spain) – www.sanesociety.org

Sane Society will employ its data base of more than 100.000 contacts, including 13.580 cultural and media companies, in order to internationally promote the artist winners of this contest by means of an email campaign in 9 languages. They will also raffle Sane Society t-shirts between those who have participated with their votes.

Sane Society, with more than 50.000 Works published over the last 7 years and several awards, is an artists’ community pioneer in its field. Originally conceived as a kind of virtual city and with the objective of fomenting communication and the exchange of ideas, this mini society of 8.200 inhabitants is organized in linguistic districts, as well as creative ones. The Sane Society team is responsible for the launching and management of Talent Seekers.

• TALENT SEEKERS (Spain) – www.talentseekers.net

Talent Seekers will contribute with the following prizes: The permanent exposure on its website of a list of artists chosen by the public, organized according to the evaluation of the jury; the presentation of online certificates that can be displayed by the winners on their corresponding web pages. These documents will certify the position of at least 30 artists (Top 1 Photography, Top 2 Music, Top 3 Literature, etc.); the development and management, in cooperation with a specialized company to be announced soon, of an online shop where a selection of artists will be able to offer their most outstanding creations for sale.

Lastly, the following cultural organizations will circulate the list of winners to their own users: GenomART (Italy), The Muse’s Muse (Canada), Earth Stoke ‘N Fire Pottery Studio and Artist Retreat (US), Cia Arte Cultura (Brazil) and Prose Club Network (US). Talent Seekers trusts that the members of the jury will also offer the winners access to their respective Networks for this same purpose.

In words of Arturo Tirador, Director of Talent Seekers: “We have good reason for being satisfied with the outcome of this first edition. However, my vision is different and I hope to see it materialised in the near future. I would like to see more companies involved in offering prizes in kind. For example, the edition of a book, a supporting slot at a concert of an established artist, the production of a record, the exhibition at a reputable art gallery, a management contract, etc. I understand that whilst the identity of the winners is unknown, it is complicated for companies to make any commitment. For this reason, I am convinced that the real professional opportunities will arise once the jury’s verdict is acknowledged”.

As the children laughed and giggled around the table with their stories of strength and imaginations running endlessly, I found myself wondering why as an adult I couldn’t be feel that kind of joy. I felt so stuck and like such a malcontent. As the children continued with their array of fanciful tales of combat and saving the weak, I battled myself with a mirage of excuses and wondering who would save me.

Deep in my heart I acknowledged many wounds, guilt and all those wonderful little nuggets of darkness that have kept me from feeling I truly deserve what I see in my dreams. The overwhelming sense I am damaged goods and not deserving in some way. To spare myself another disappointment, I existed in world of status quo. At times it left me so frustrated I wanted to scream. As an intelligent woman I knew better! I understood the past was only a memory. It was absurd to continue to torment myself with the past. I began questioning why I allowed myself to continue to let it weigh so much on my mind. Why I continued to let it define me as a person. Just as I felt my eyes fill with tears, more laughter from across the table. I return to reality of smiling children, empty bowls of ice cream and sticky fingers.

As the children went to play, I experienced a small glimmer of hope. I thought about the encouraging words I gave my son when he was struggling. I pondered why it was so much easier to help children use their experiences to shape their world. It was time to put my Mom hat back on for awhile and file away all the challenges and frustrations for another time.

Late evening, amidst quiet reflection over the last year and stressing about the holidays and finances, I lost myself in a conversation with God. I began asking for help to overcome the financial burden of starting from scratch following my divorce. I moved on praying for friends and family, to attempt to sort out some of my feelings, then I’m not sure where it all came from, but I let it flow. At first so much anger rolled from my lips. I felt slightly confused. As I continued, it turned in to a release of years of pain from the most insignificant to the most traumatic. All at once it was finally out. Thoughts and feelings that were buried and ignored for decades were finally realized and oddly put in perspective. I survived rape, abusive relationships, eating disorders, drug addiction, self mutilation and serious health issues.

Then an odd feeling came over me. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it, so as years of conditioning and instinct, my first response was to run away. Run away from what I don’t understand. But again, the oddness felt more comfortable. I tried to absorb it and understand what I was feeling. All the darkness that had tormented me, all the guilt, anguish, regret… it all seemed to fade away. Instead of front and center, screaming in my face, all the dark diminished itself into an old book on the back of the shelf covered in dust. There it was but replaced with hope. It was an opportunity to use all those experiences for a change for the better. It was an opportunity to share with others that perhaps hadn’t found their voice.

Not quite there yet, I attempted to take a break from all the serious thought. Some time’s I seem to think I need to conquer it all in a day! I took a moment to smile as I thought about the irony of part of my financial dilemma. Perhaps after years of counseling, maybe some of my financial relief would come in the form of me listening and believing in myself instead of an expensive counselor. I love my counselor, but for the first time in a long time, I’m beginning to feel it no longer necessary. I believe I truly hold all the answers I need to hear.

I vowed to myself from that moment the most important thing I have denied myself all these years. Forgiveness. I found myself repeating it over and over. It seems so simple yet so powerful. Forgiveness! I forgive myself for not speaking up as a child when I was raped. I forgive myself for being ashamed. I forgive myself for becoming afraid of the world. I forgive myself for thinking I needed to protect the world from my pain. I forgive myself for easing the pain by cutting, pinching and starving. I forgive myself for using drugs to numb myself. I forgive myself for placing myself in dangerous relationships because I felt I deserved no better. I forgive myself for not changing sooner. I forgive myself for living in silence for so many years.

I lived so many years with self destructive behavior, denying myself happiness, from attaining goals I desperately wanted, subconsciously placing myself in the way of harm and accepting ramifications because I felt I didn’t deserve better. I used to dwell on all the missed opportunities. Suddenly I reveled in the challenges. I envisioned turning all the adversity into a constructive means of self improvement and possibly my saving grace. I will not hide any longer. I look forward to employing all of the past I have overcome as a new opportunity. Not only to encourage and motivate me to be the best person I can become, but to challenge others to make a better life for themselves and a better world for our children.

I hate you with ever fiber of my being. I hate you for what you did to me. Not only what you did to me physically but mentally as well. I lived a life of pain. I will never be the same person again because of what you did. I want you to have to suffer the way I have suffered. I want you know what it is like to live with the emotional scars and constant fear. I want you to have to wonder if you will ever be normal again. Not knowing if you will be able to be intimate with another person, or if it has been ruined forever because of what happened. I hate you for taking my smile; my playful nature away. I want you to have to walk the same lonely road I have had to because you feel so ugly, dirty and unlovable that you won’t allow yourself to let to may too close. I wish you had to endure fearing sleep because of the repeated nightmares. I hate you for taking away so much from me. I hate you for stealing my trust and sense of safety. I hate you, I hate that I thought it was my fault for so may years. I hate the fact this has consumed so much of my life. I hate that I have been filled with such darkness. I hope that you burn in hell for eternity and continually feel all that I have been forced to endure since that terrible day at the park. I hope your soul is never at rest and you are tormented forever.

Alone
Sitting on the dock
Cold
Dark
Mist fills the sky
Waves breaking
Water lapping

It’s a beautiful beginning
To the East, a light starts to form
Hope begins to rekindle

As the light grows in the East
Hues or orange and gold
Hope becomes brighter
And my world not so cold

As day breaks
Hope becomes desire
Desire to live
Desire to love

Now it’s time to live another day
Now it’s time to learn
You can’t move on without first
Leaving the safety of the bay.

© LuluPress 2008

It started as a beautiful day
Cool crisp air
Vibrant blue sky
Water rippling gently against the shore
Autumn leaves of scarlet and ginger
Dance softly against the dew kissed moss
The Canadian geese swim by the dock
The kids play on the swing set
This is truly heaven on earth

After years of hidden slumber
Today amidst this special day
Without warning I woke up
In an instance staring across a golden field
With the most gorgeous display of fall colors
I was moved to tears
A grin turned into an uncontrollable smile
Reborn...my passion
A glimpse of my former self
I felt things that I have been missing from my soul
For a decade or more, but most importantly; love
Love for my surroundings
The beauty of the sky
The trees
The colors
My company
They remind me of all that is good in the world
I am truly blessed

©LuluPress 2008